Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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