Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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