Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
