I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
