just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
