so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
