Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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