Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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