you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
