I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Your penis caused this!
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