Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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