Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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