I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
