I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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