he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
