dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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