We're facebook friends in real life
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
