I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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