I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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