OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
