I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
