It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
