see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i already hear my dad disowning me
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
