No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize