So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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