$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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