Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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