He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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