Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
