I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
