How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
