someone get that fucking seahorse.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize