Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
