someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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