next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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