I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Did I show you my penis last night?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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