Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
