My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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