this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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