I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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