Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
