After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
