Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
