He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize