New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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