I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
