someone threw a dead crab at me
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
