Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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