I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Randomize
