remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The beer is more important than you right now.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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