im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize