And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
