Just took my morning after pill in the library
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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