She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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