Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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