So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
What a dumb baby whore.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
