So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
