Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
