You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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