I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
everyone is single if you try hard enough
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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