Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
