Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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