Nicole vs. Life
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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