Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
