She's JV to your varsity
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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