They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
