i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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