u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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