My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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