There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
