You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
