OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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