The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
