Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
