New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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