She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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