You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just want to make out with him forever
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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