foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
