he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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