Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
