He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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