woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
