Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
