That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
