another moral hangover. fuck.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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