Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
