its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
