how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
