Whod you bang
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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