Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
