I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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