Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
