So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
