Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
