i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Randomize
