If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
