I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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