i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
