My friends, they love my intelligence
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize