And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
